a twisted thought at a time

know where to go. nowhere to go.

twistedthought — Fri, 18 Jul 2008 12:06:29 +0000

The moon is perfect. a mixture of red and yellow. but still, its nowhere orange. depicts what im feeling.

Sometimes, we get the feeling that enough is simply enough..or should i say, wait.. that is over. waaay over. we do commit mistakes that we never thought as a mistake… in that case, i usually call them, slightly offensive. slighty.

-in a relationship, we sometimes do things surprisingly and sweet. popularly known as the romantic side of living things. And honestly, i always try to have a bag of them. though i dont consider myself anywhere near romeo.

a surprise chocolate, a surprise gift, a surprise flower, a surprise kiss. you name it, for someone in a true relationship, the whole idea is romantic. who wont love that from his or her partner.

maybe, just maybe, with all the inevitable odds you can list down, some will hate those surprises. But the good intention is there…clean and pure. we all know it.. we just want them to feel loved.

given that mere circumstance, a good and sincere sorry is needed, no doubt, even with all the good intentions about it…

But to be pushed away while saying sorry, to be neglected like invisible air and nearly hated to the vains for a day or for a long time…even with apologies…just because of it, feels horrible. horrible. pissed off.

i’ve already had a lot of it. we tried to change it, and its not working out and i’m nowhere near having a smile about it. enough of it. enough.

Art is the reality of the imagination.

twistedthought — Sat, 12 Jul 2008 17:42:20 +0000

Consider it a a good sign that you are reading right now the latest entry in my blog, two points: im still breathing by this moment and i still have the energy to share. And this entry is going to be for everyone. at least for those who i know.

Numbers / scores don’t decide our fate. fck it. It doesn’t measure knowledge. though most people understand it that way, it sucks. it only measures performance at that very moment.. Numbers / scores doesn’t measure that thing between your two ears. (figuratively and literally).
to the people whom i really care, In knowing what to do, if you really want to know what to do, remember that current emotions are mere distractions in solving problems. cut down the scenes and see what you should have done. dont draw out conclusions at once, it will only create false judgement. no matter how hard it is, dont take sides. even your own. it will only fuel fire. be the middleman of your own problem. from my quiet heart, i love you all. woot.
Im thinking about gender judgements. and how people perceive it. Personally, I see it neutral and gender should not be the basis of justifying HUMAN actions. GENDER is: we have something that you don’t have. vice versa. thats it. that is only it. labeled in the most acceptable way for humans. oh i almost forgot the survival of the human race, that is another topic. :HUMAN:
Is there a better word for “sorry..”? i can seem to think of a better one… im sorry… what is so wrong about it that you can’t accept it… what do you want me to do? I’ve always tried my best to understand you and have a happy story… is it hard for you to do the same….?
I think somewhere in the fog, you can ask me “why?”…. that is a example of question of concern.
We dont have a perfect relationship. No one is even in that idiomatic paradise anyway, so dont see it that way…we are in love and happy. To be perfect is to be Someone up there.
Always ASK those who will benefit and pay for it. you are after their satisfaction. RESPECT IT.
My suggestion and feelings, are gifts…try to learn from it. I’m not forcing it into you so dont’ take it as knives to cut you down and for you to take it personally.

———————————————————————-

My notebook sketches are coming into life..technically.

Art is the reality of the imagination.SEPTEMBER 2008

Pushing beyond the limits.

twistedthought — Thu, 03 Jul 2008 13:04:34 +0000

THURSDAY. A supposed to be rest day for me since we have no classes. but not this time. with all the assigments and things to do, I’ aready up by 6am, doing all the assignments even for the next week. and fortunately, i was able to finish all academic things before lunch. And after lunch, the biggest trial for me.

I’m busy with my recent project in movie editing. busy in a way that I’m pushing myself waaaay beyond the my limits. I’m trying to materialize the idea that i have for this video.. my formula, a complicated idea..a perfect idea.. = a complicated time of achieving it. I want this project to be so perfect. perfect. perfect. at least for me. haha.

I spent the half day, working in the first part of the video…14 seconds and it took me sooo long. and im not yet satisfied with the results. ugh.

Saturday 10:40am

twistedthought — Sat, 28 Jun 2008 02:40:01 +0000

The practicality of attending 5hours earlier of my 1:00pm class is being absorbed by my system. shoot.

I’m already at school by 8am, I’m taking all the possible opportunities to make my life easier. at least x_x.

since my mom have a load in FEU by 9, i seize the moment to have a FREE ride with mom.
and since I’m WAY TOO EARLY for my ONLY 1-4 class in a SATURDAY, i’m able to do some of my assignments, if not im sleeping in the library.
since i wasn’t able to sleep earlier, i translated a english song to tagalog. the outcome was freaky. hate it.
I did the assignment in Experimental Pysch. (saw a lot of students having a hardtime in their thesis.) a year from now, Im in their position. oh hell.
and now, making an entry in a nearby internet cafe. time check, 10: 37, shet. 2 and half hours to go.

THE REASONS FOR THIS SACRIFICE

Gas is making history, everyone knows it, no need to explain. utilize it very well while it is still there.
Money matters. If I decide to commute, it slashes my allowance. and i hate it. I really value money in the situation of the economy right now.

oh hell, i must find a way to earn money. money. money. money. money.

Unexplainable Phenomena

twistedthought — Tue, 24 Jun 2008 08:01:47 +0000

After typhoon frank did a little similar washing all over the country, Philippines that is, I’ve come to discover how too much free time can be such a force to indulge me on being the next Einstein. Simply stated, There is no classes (wipeee! celebrate!), meaning at home doing nothing, and soon seeing myself studying in advance. Somehow enjoying it. Which is not really me after all.

Hilarious indeed, I’m ready for the coming week. the cause is obvious, boredom. but this time, unlike summer, it is a productive boredom.

Don’t tell me I’m studious. I’ll pull out your soul. haha.

meditate to irritate.

twistedthought — Wed, 18 Jun 2008 13:04:21 +0000

I have seen the future, and i saw a lot of twisted things…

My monday and tuesday schedule turned me into zombie
Im trying to commit suicide because of my monday late subject prof.
I halfway enjoying Group Dyanmics and hating it.
Our Literature prof is…. awooooooooo!
Wednesday is fine, im cursing all my enemies in spanish.
and sleeping the rest of wednesday.
ENJOYING THURSDAY
HATING FRIDAY
and a FINE SATURDAY.

oh college life.

Analogy|ygolanA

twistedthought — Thu, 12 Jun 2008 01:29:21 +0000

Some things in relationship matters that I never thought of… but just slapped me hard this past days.

Someone cannot give advice or solve the problem using assumptions or such of a friend without hearing the problem itself. Doing so will just confuse things out.

A veterinarian cannot simply assume the problem of pet, He/She must first diagnose and wait for reactions or history.

A doctor cannot just cure a patient, the doctor must listen to what the patient is really feeling. the diagnose of the doctor does not feel the pain. but the patient does.

-and if the doctor started the treatment without hearing the patient’s feelings– The patient most probably will hurt more.

WALA NA NGANG NAGMAMAHAL SA IYO, WALA PANG LUMALANDI SA IYO.

twistedthought — Wed, 11 Jun 2008 15:07:15 +0000

First day of school was simply the adjustments of everyone would have to do for the coming school year. new subjects, new profs, and FREAKIN new sched!

anyhow the first subject, Spanish seems interesting…muy vien! (is it right?) and second subject experimental pysch……..hmmmmm……we’ll still see about that…

since we have a 3 hours break in between the two subjects, we decided to hang out at maan’s place to play cards. even after dismissal.

nice title huh?

“No one loves you and no one would like to flirt with you”

-ela

Divine Intervention

twistedthought — Tue, 10 Jun 2008 11:16:23 +0000

As I suffer my newly tighten braces, I decided to passed by UST, my school in college. I saw a lot of students already wearing their new uniforms and such. while me, i was still in my walking shorts and slippers. Then I realized, fck, summer is really over..IT IS OVER. waah! And at the same time, I then recalled my first days inside the campus and how everything went up to this moment. with no specific and sure reason at all, I was suddenly disapponted with myself. really. I can simply make it artistic by expressing it like

“falling alone from the skies..so fast that i tried everything to pull myself up…i missed the opportunity to grab the plane’s wings, saw the rooftop beneath me with all hopes, but found myself together with mud and dirt”. ugh.

I did thought that im doing the right things to lift the people around with me (which i really love to do). but this feeling of unsatisfaction just stabbed to deep reflection. When my best, wasn’t enough..or did i just failed to deliver my best and missed out all opportunties. oh crap.

“failure, you are” (just imagining yoda talking to me)

ONE BIG PUSH..I need another ONE BIG PUSH to keep things on track. I’ll punish and push myself beyond my limits. with divine intervention, I will. Mark that.

Summer. Maan’s Birthday

twistedthought — Mon, 09 Jun 2008 16:33:12 +0000

JUNE 4 -6.

We celebrated Maan’s birthday back in Subic, her hometown. Before the trip, Mel was already the hot topic that everyone want to figure out. A fifteen year old that seems to be gay, childish teen. and upon arrival at maan’s home and seeing Mel, even me myself was surprised with his waaaay different attitude. He is childish for sure, his way of speaking and story telling proves it hard. And as the hours go by and witness the hot seat boy, I came to see that he enjoys being romantically linked with our friend mico, plus the fact the he likes being called a DYOSA or goddess. its all clear. He’s gay, or safe to say, just confused for the moment –too young to judge the little man.

JUNE 4; I then found out that Jovstot won’t be able to come. ugh. We decided to meet up at Goldilocks España. 12pm was supposed to be the call time, Elaot arrived just on time, while Rissatot and Micotot arrived around 12:30. and for the consequence, micotot and rissatot still owe us some TREATS!

We went to the bus terminal nearby and thought that there is no scheduled trip for us that time. Fortunately there is! not pure luck. it is destiny. haha. After some hours of bus travel, we transferred to a jeep terminal, Micotot pissed off the jeepney driver by cracking a “daddy” joke and again, fortunately, we arrived at Maantot’s house safe and sound. Maantot was nowhere to find till around 9 from her driving lessons. vroom…vrooom! After taking our dinner, maantot arrived and we started hanging out and playing cards. we also did try scare the wits out of each other by some taste of house history and ghost stories. We closed the night excited for the next day.

JUNE 5; After trying to go back to the mode of normal heart beat and enviroment awareness, we ate our breakfast and got dressed up for the island, sun and sea. FUN. we did a little tour around Maan and Mel’s territorial waters (haha) and finally showered ourselves with subic waters behind the snake island (with no snakes though).

all photos courtesy of Maantot and Elatot

After the sea fun, we arrived back home. after which, we “played” with the old yet customized volkswagen beetle. i thought maan how to force start a -need-to-tune-up engine and how to assasin an enemy’s car without brutal force. =) Jabum arrived, and late afternoon, we went to SBMA for a loong yet educational (even for maan) walk. we too bought our liquors there for the looong night to come. =)

After dinner, I experienced a touch from the other world, if you know what im saying, that scared the real shit out of me. A strong rain pour down, lights killed, and two more touches from the other world. shit. We started our drinks, and from that moment…it was peaceful, calm and FUNNY. what a night it was!

JUNE 6; for some mysterious force, everyone is up PROPERLY except for some glitches with maan’s perception, And we went to nearby beaches to burn old skin. =) the first beach made us realized how light materials float, the second beach was quite okay, (Elatot wont agree with this though). and after burning some skin and making sand an alternative for soap (hell yeah!), we went back home to eat a stomach filling lunch and played cards till we have to leave. erk. back to manila, back to school. Happy Birthday Maantot and Jabum! It was definitiely fun!

Just spending the very last minutes of summer freedom. wooooooh.